The Lovers Have Lied
by Kat.Bites
Summary: i've got baggage too...now. chapter 14 up!
1. Chapter 1

_Hurtful words,  
From my enemies of the last five years,  
What's it like to die alone?  
How does it feel when tears freeze,  
When you cry?  
The blood in your veins is twenty below._

[chapter one

This house is so damn cold. I shivered and trotted upstairs in search of a sweatshirt. Biggest bedroom in the house: my bedroom. Formerly my mothers, but I moved into her room four years ago in favor of using the others for storage. Oh, big baggy fuzzy jacket. And SOCKS. Thick socks. Thick wooly socks over leggings. God aren't I attractive. I sighed in my sudden warmth and went back downstairs. I yawned as I glanced out the window, squinting in the seven AM sunlight. I scratched my head and stopped to look in the hallway mirror. I combed my hair with my fingers disapprovingly. I still wasn't used to the hair. I'd cut most of it off, so it now rested right below my earlobes and itched the shit out of my neck. Oh well. I plopped back down on the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table. I flicked on the T.V. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. SHIT. Crap. Oh! Spanish soap opera. And I sat there mocking the actors until I heard a knock at the door. Assuming it was Sofia, I started towards the door. Sofia like my all purpose person. She does odd jobs for me while I'm at work on the weekends, whatever I need, for about fifty a week. It's nice. She doesn't speak much English though, and that's difficult. I wondered why she was knocking, and so loudly. She has a key. She probably just forgot it again.

"Coming." I said lazily. I yawned and unlocked the door. I opened it and just kind of blinked for a minute at the person before me. A tall skinny figure in tight jeans and a clandestine t-shirt and huge sunglasses. Short brown hair over the left side of his forehead. He leaned against the doorframe and smirked at me. I cracked a slight smile, still nervous about the whole moving thing in case it wasn't him. He spoke:

"Mornin' little lady." he said, his smirk widening to reveal white teeth. "Lookin for a Miss Heather Matheson at this address would you happen to know her?" he asked. A huge smile broke across my face.  
"PETER!" I shrieked. His smirk broke into an equal smile and he held me up as I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his middle. I started screaming into his shoulder and he laughed.

"Hey you." he said. I let go of him and dropped to the floor.

"Hey." I said. I took off his glasses and looked at him. "Mr. Famous face." I said.

"Shut up." he rolled his eyes. I shrugged.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. He held his arms out to his sides.

"I said we'd come back." he said. I rolled my eyes.

"I assumed there'd be a gap of slightly LESS than five years." I said, crossing my arms. He sighed.

"In case you didn't notice we've been busy." he said. I laughed and nodded.

"I noticed."

"HEATHER!" someone shrieked from outside. Before I could look I was taken to the floor and almost suffocated with a famous fatal Parker Morgan hug.

"PARKER!" I screamed. We sat up both screaming incoherently at each other. She was pointing and glaring at my hair, I was pointing and glaring at her body. "YOU GOT A FUCKING BOOB JOB." I screamed.

"And a tummy tuck." she said proudly, exposing her scar. "AND YOUR HAIR IS GONE." she shouted indignantly.

"I like it this way! Besides it was probably the best way to shed ten pounds other than lypo..." she rolled her eyes at me and helped me to my feet. "Jesus child you wreak like cigarettes."

"That I do." she said.

"Hey there." chorused two voices from the doorway. There stood Joe and Andy. I screamed.

"Oh my god get OUT." I shouted. They pouted and turned to walk away. "W...Wow. Guys get back here." I said. They laughed and took me in a hug at the same time. I looked outside and saw a big purple tour bus. It was bigger than the one they'd left in...much nicer. A pretty shade of purple too. But I digress. I was speechless. It'd been five years since I'd last seen any of these people outside of a T.V. I just kind of stood there stunned, staring at them.

"Why now?" I asked. Parker bit her lip, Pete sighed, Andy jammed his hands into his pockets, and Joe stared at the ceiling. "What?" I asked. They didn't move. "WHAT?" "MOMMY!!" Shit. She was awake. Everyone jumped. Pete looked at Parker, Joe stared at Andy as he looked wildly around the room looking for the source of the sound. Little bare footsteps padded down the stairs as my daughter ran to me. You heard it here folks: I have a daughter. Four years old. She ran into the room, and upon seeing my friends, clung to me.  
"Who are they?" she asked, pointing.

"Sweetie don't point." I said, pulling her hand down gently. She nodded. They were all staring down at her like she was some alien life form with a deadly contagious disease. "Well, that's Andy, that's Joey, that's Parker, and that's Peter..." I said slowly. Someone was missing. She looked at each of them in turn as I indicated them to her. She waved and smiled. Only Joe came out of his haze long enough to wave his hand back at her. Pete was glaring at me like I'd just murdered his mother. Andy was putting it together, staring at me, then at the girl, then craning his neck to look at the bus outside. But finally Parker spoke, well, spat.

"And big daddy's a little hesitant about coming out of the bus."


	2. Chapter 2

[Chapter Two

I glared hard at Parker, seriously attempting to make my look kill. She glared right back, not blinking. I looked away. There was no point in having a glare down over this.

"Guys, this is Cassidy." I said, pointing to my daughter. No one moved. She smiled and waved again. Pete cracked the slightest of smiles.

"She looks just like him." he said. I couldn't argue. She basically was Patrick. She had my dark brown hair, but she had his eye's perfect green color and his body's chubby tendencies.

"Don't...don't tell him yet." I said. "Please. Let me?" I pleaded. Everyone nodded. Andy knelt down to Cassidy's level and smiled.

"Hi." he said warmly. "I'm Andy. I'm an old friend of your mommy's."

"You've got long hair." she responded matter of factly. He laughed.

"Yeah I guess I do." he said.

"I like it." responded Cassidy. He smiled.

"Thank you." he said. He stood up. "She's cute." he said to me. I ruffled her hair.  
"Cassidy sweetie why don't you go upstairs and draw some pictures for mommy's friends." I said.   
"YAY!" Cassidy called, clapping three times before disappearing up the stairs and into her bedroom. Now even Andy was glaring at me. No one was happy about this. I understood completely, but they'd understand once I explained. But first I wanted to hear from them.

"So I have four pop icons and a girlfriend standing in my living room." I started. "Care to explain?"

"Honestly I think you should go first." said Joe, still looking between the bus outside and the stairs.

"I didn't want to make him angry." I said. Every jaw dropped.  
"Angry?" asked Andy incredulously. "Heather, Patrick never would have left if he knew about this!"

"EXACTLY." I screamed. "If he'd known I was pregnant then he wouldn't have gone on tour and he wouldn't have been famous. None of you would be." there was a pause.

"I'm really ashamed of you Heather." said Pete. I looked at the floor. "Did you really think Patrick was that shallow and stupid that he'd regret staying here with you and his CHILD? Did you think he'd wake up every morning regretting his decisions?" he was getting really pissed. "Patrick wouldn't have been angry if he knew you were having his kid...but he'll sure as hell be angry now." he paused and all eyes got wide as we heard footsteps slowly shuffling up the walkway. He was coming into the house. I kept my eyes down as he entered, but I couldn't keep them there. I was much more interested in seeing him than seeing the floor. I looked up and went completely numb. I'd managed to make myself let go of his image. I changed the channel if they came on, I avoided stores with their posters, I didn't listen to them on the radio, and I forgot. But seeing him again now brought everything back. I suddenly saw it all again; his eyes, his nose, his lips, his hair, his chest, his legs, his arms, and all those feelings that came with those times five years past. I stumbled backwards but regained my composure instantly. I'm a dance teacher, it's what I do. He stared at me for a second, managed a weak smile, and spoke.

"Hey...hey Heather." he stuttered.

"Hi." I croaked. He looked down and his body seemed to shift to his back at the sound of my voice. It made me wonder if he was feeling the same rush as I was. I wondered if this was love; the kind of thing that just comes back like this. Everyone was silent, no one was willing to help me out with conversations. So I asked the obvious question.

"What's everyone here for?" I asked. Joe shrugged.

"We're taking a break." he said. "Nothing more to it really."

"Everything's...okay?" I asked, looking at Patrick. Joe nodded.

"We just need a place to stay." muttered Pete.

So It's decided that Fall Out Boy will be living in my house. How fun. Honestly I'm not excited about having Patrick living in my house.

Hiding Cassidy will be come very difficult.

I mean I suppose I'm going to have to tell him, and soon, but I can't quite figure out how to tell him. Do I just come out with it? Or do I ease him down? Or do I just let him find her somewhere? I found him in the kitchen with a glass of water.

"Hey." I said. He jumped.

"Hi." he replied, swallowing hard. I kept a comfortable three feet away and let the awkward silence run its course. "I missed you." he blurted out. My head snapped up.

"Me too." I said without hesitation.

"I never called...I never visited...I never wrote..."

"It's okay."

"I'm so glad I'm back."

"Yeah..." then my face went red and my stomach dropped. Little feet running down the stairs...into the kitchen.

"Mommy mommy!" Cassidy tugged on my sweatshirt with a hand full of crayons. She had a drawing in her other hand. "Look what I drawd for Andy!" she said, holding out the paper. It was pretty. It was a picture of a garden; big daisies and trees and roses.

"It's...It's really pretty sweetheart." I said. I looked up, and saw Patrick looking at Cassidy like she was some diseased alien life form...and then it turned to rage.


	3. Chapter 3

_for what you did to me_

_and what I'll do to you_

_you get what everyone else gets_

_you get a lifetime_

[chapter three

"What?" I asked. He kept glaring at Cassidy.

"What is that?" he asked. My jaw dropped and I picked Cassidy up. She cuddled close to me, probably afraid of Patrick's obvious anger.

"It's not a 'that' it's a four year old girl." I spat at him. "A four year old girl you happen to be scaring."

"Heather whose daughter is that?" he asked quietly.

"Mine." I said.

"I KNOW IT'S YOURS WHOSE THE FUCKING FATHER?" he roared.

"Stop yelling and don't curse in front of her." I said, covering Cassidy's ears. He took a deep breath and rolled his head.

"Whose the father Heather?" he asked, calm now. I guess he couldn't tell it was his child, or else he just wanted to hear it for sure. This could be helpful...because I could lie through my teeth.

But how wrong would that be? I could tell him it was someone else's kid...I could tell him it was his...I wondered which would get him angrier.

"She's...she's not yours." I said slowly. He let out a whole lot of air at once and he shrank down about three inches. And then he looked hurt.

"Who?" he asked quietly. I stayed silent for a second, formulating this.

"You didn't know him...we dated...we fucked...he ran when he found out I was pregnant. Haven't heard from him since." it hurt to say this. But believe me, I have a plan. I put Cassidy down. "Sweetie why don't you go give Andy your drawing."

"Kay mommy." she said, skipping into the living room.

"She's four?" he asked. I nodded.

"So right after I left." he was trying to compute this.

"Pretty soon after...yeah." Try nine months later.

"I don't know him?"

"...no." that killed. It killed because he looked so god damn hurt. I searched for a way out of this whole conversation. "Come on Pat...you honestly didn't think I'd...wait for you I mean you didn't..." he looked at the ground and I thought I heard him moan in sadness. "Oh god you didn't." I whined.

"I did."

"You're not saying you haven't fucked a groupie on the road. Five fucking years Pat..."

"I came close a few times."

"And?"  
"They weren't you."

"Ah shit Patrick come on." I said.

"No Heather you come on!" he shouted. I heard a few "woah"s from the other room as the rest of the house wondered what was going on. "I swore I'd come back. I promised it wasn't the end...if you'd just fucking gone with me...didn't you realize this would happen once I came back?"

"I didn't think I'd have to worry about that." I whispered.

"What?"

"Patrick I didn't think you were coming back." I said. He was speechless. "You never called me, not once. You didn't come to visit, you guys got so fucking famous...and I never heard from you. I didn't think I'd ever see you guys again."

"You had to know Fall Out Boy wasn't gonna last forever."

"No, no I didn't have to know that Patrick! Maybe it'd help if you'd maybe...talked to me once in a while instead of just showing up on my doorstep five years later!"

"I'VE BEEN BUSY." he said, jerking his arm towards the window, out which you could see the bus.

"SO HAVE I!" I screamed back, motioning out the kitchen door where Cassidy had gone out through. He lost his words again.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled. He was broken. The girl he actually never formerly broke up with had gone and fucked some guy right after he left, and she'd had the guy's kid...and kept it. Sure he hadn't called her, but she'd never called him. Well wait, she didn't have the number. It all dwindled down to this being his fault. "Can I at least know his name?"  
"No." I said. His head came up and he looked at me, surprised at how quickly I had answered. It was my turn to be staring at the floor. You can't even begin to understand how much I wanted to just run over to him and kiss him. I don't care how much I should hate him, I don't care that he's been completely stupid and absent this whole god damn time...I still love him. So that's why lying was so hard for once...because you just can't hurt who you love. They say it's easy, but they're stupid. I started taking steps backward.

"Um...I gotta go...talk...Cassidy um..." I pointed a thumb behind me and kept backing up. He nodded. I turned and broke into a brisk walk.

"Heather." he stopped me. I turned around.

"Yeah?" I asked. He smiled, laughed a little, and pointed to his head.

"What the hell did you do to your hair?" he asked. I rolled my eyes, gave him the finger and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

_well I'm asking you, cause she's got nothing to say  
the angels just cut out her tongue, call her black Mariah  
would I lie to you? That girl's not right in the brain._

**Chapter four**

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and plopped down on the couch, knees to my chest, head in my hands. I could feel the eyes of Pete, Joe, Parker, and Andy bearing down on me. I looked up at Andy who was sitting on the arm chair, Cassidy sitting on his lap, showing him points of interest on her drawing. He nodded and pretended to be interested, but spent most of his time glaring at me along with everyone else. I couldn't fight it; I'd fucked up and they were finally here to call me out on it. I took a deep breath.  
"Hey Cassie."  
"Hold on mommy." I have a BIT of a brat for a child. "And, and, and Andy, that's a daf-da-dil. Do you know what that is?"  
"What is it Cass?" asked Andy.  
"It's a flower."  
"What color flower, Cassie?" I encouraged her.  
"A big yellow flower." she said proudly.  
"Very good baby. Talk to me, did my friend Patrick scare you before?"  
"Scary man." Cassie responded quietly.  
"Oooh." moaned Parker, voicing the horrible irony of the situation.  
"Come here, hun" I patted my lap. Cassie jumped off the arm chair and came over to me.  
"Patrick is a very nice man. He's just having a grumpy day. Come on show me your grumpy face." Cassie scrunched up her face and growled at me like a lion cub. "Oh my gosh you're so cute. Okay, mommy has to talk to her friends for a few minutes. I want you to go show Patrick your grumpy face. Growl at him. Be my baby lion, like Nala okay?" Cassie jumped off the couch and ran into the kitchen shrieking and growling. My smile faded once I realized it was time to face a lot of shit.  
"Heather, when are you gonna tell him?" asked Parker. I laughed.  
"The better question is what am I gonna do now that I've told him that Cassidy is definitely NOT his daughter."  
"Heather!" scorned Joe in disbelief.  
"He asked me who the father was…and I just wasn't ready. I'm still taking this all in, alright? You guys are back, my whole body spazzed out when he walked in the door, I'm not ready to drop a bomb like this on him."  
"Do you want…one of us to tell him?" suggested Parker.  
"No, no I think that'd probably be the worst way to tell him."  
"Well you gotta get your shit together." warned Andy. "He has to know."  
"I'll tell him when the time is right. I think I'll know."  
"…this week, Heather. This week." instructed Parker.  
"Yeah. Okay. This week. By the end of the week." I mused.

* * *

"And we were walking out of Fuse Studios after we did an interview on…ah shit what was it called?" Pete was recounting an apparently fascinating story over dinner, definitely trying to kill the awkward that reigned over everyone whenever Patrick and I were in the same room.  
"The Sauce." assisted Joe.  
"Fuck, yeah. The Sauce. And I'm walking out to the van that's gonna take us to MSG, and this girl walks up to me, right? Taller than me too. Fuck I'm such a shortass. And she hands me this letter and she's nervous as hell, she was like shaking. And I was gonna like, talk to her for a second but then all of a sudden this crazy chick comes out of nowhere screaming 'PETEEE!' and like, latches onto me, takes a picture, and runs off. So now everyone fuckin sees me and I gotta get in the van and this girl, who gave me the letter, just COLLAPSES on the sidewalk. Fuckin New York City sidewalk and she's on the ground and her friend is like, trying to help her up but she's crying and freaking out. I felt reeeeally bad and wanted to get out of the car but Manny was like 'noooo way dude'.  
"Who's Manny?" I asked.  
"Bodyguard." answered Andy.  
"Oooh you guys are so damn important." I joked, poking Joe in the side.  
"Oh shut up." whined Joe. I giggled at him.  
"It was a really nice letter. We really helped that girl. I think I still have it somewhere…"  
"That's really sweet, that you'd keep it."  
"Well that's just the kind of guy I am."  
"Yeah, haha, okay."

* * *

"Can…can I…put my arm around you?"  
"Christ almighty, Patrick. Is this our first date or something?" He laughed. He laughed and my whole body felt it. That short exhale with the sound at the end. I very slowly leaned into him, resting my head on his chest as he pulled me into his arms. I took a deep, deep breath and brought in all of his scent. It was new. He no longer smelled like the boy I knew, who wreaked of Yankee Candles and the lawn mower fuel in Pete's garage. He smelled like a man; in aftershave, sweat, and five years of aging. I wondered if he was a different person. I didn't feel like I was, except for the whole mom thing. But what was he like?  
"Wow," he whispered.  
"What?"  
"I missed you…a lot." Nope, he hadn't changed at all.  
"Hey Cassidy," I called.  
"What mommy?" she called from upstairs.  
"Come see me for a sec."  
"What are you doing?"  
"Hang on." Little footsteps came padding down the stairs and into the living room. She stopped cold in front of the couch and stared at Patrick. "Come here, baby." She took slow steps towards my place on the couch. "Say hello to mommy's friend Patrick." Patrick wasn't looking directly at Cassie, and she eyed him cautiously.  
"Hello Patrick." she whispered. A smile broke across his face like her voice was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. Inside I was breaking, because I knew it was that freaky parent-child connection. He didn't know why, but he definitely felt a connection to Cassie.  
"Hi Cassie. How are you?"  
"Sleepy."  
"Aww, sweetie." I patted her head. "Wanna go back upstairs and take a nap?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay." I whispered. "Off you go." She walked back upstairs, leaving Patrick and I to just sit in the silence. Thank god he finally spoke.  
"You know she's, she's got a little lisp on her S's." I clicked my tongue.  
"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna get her some speech therapy once she starts kindergarten next year."  
"Well, you know she might not need it."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, I had a lisp when I was a little kid. Just kind of corrected itself when I was like six. She might be okay on her own."  
"I didn't know you used to lisp."  
"Yeah…" he laughed a little.  
"That's…interesting."

Heredity is a bitch.


	5. Chapter 5

_tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone.  
the worst is over; you can have the best of me.  
we got older, but we're still young.  
we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up._

**Chapter five**

"She's really cute though. Looks just like you." continued Patrick.  
"She actually looks a lot more like her father." I thought about adding in "I mean, like you", but I didn't. Wrong time. He didn't respond to my father comment for a minute. After a moment of awkward he squeezed me tight with both arms.  
"My God you're a mommmmmm." He whined. "I'm so never gonna get my head around that."  
"Is it that weird?"  
"Kinda…I guess…I mean, last time I saw you, you were my girlfriend, a high school senior, and now you're a MOM."  
"You think it's weird now," I stood up and picked up a pillow, stuffing it under my sweatshirt. "Try looking at me like THIS for nine months." I pushed my hips out trying to make my fake baby bump look bigger. He barely laughed, but stared carefully at my stomach.  
"Is it weird that I really wish I had been able to?"  
"…It's not not weird." I shrugged, channeling JD from Scrubs. He caught the reference and laughed.  
"This is definitely not the situation I was expecting to find." He mused.  
"How do you mean?" I asked, pulling the pillow out of my shirt and sitting crossed-legged back on the couch.  
"This may sound pretty dick, but there was this little piece of me that was hoping we could just…pick up where we left off. Because God…I never stopped thinking about you, Heather. I never stopped missing you, never stopped wanting to talk to you, see you, touch you, I knew it wasn't gonna just…be like I never left, but I was hoping it'd be easier than it's gonna be, if it's gonna happen at all."  
"Cassidy complicates things." I summarized.  
"Well, I mean, can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that it doesn't?" I laughed.  
"Patrick, I'm honestly having trouble looking you in the eyes at all. It's…really weird."  
"Why?"_Because I feel guilty. Because I let you leave me alone while I was carrying your child and I can't believe you're back to catch me red handed. I can't look at you because I'm a shameful whore._  
"I…don't know. It's just…seeing you again. It's a little overwhelming. Is that weird?" He took one hand and laced it with his, and took his other hand and placed it on my cheek. He smiled as he watched my eyes close, remembering his touch. When he spoke, his words came whispering from very close to my face.  
"It's not not weird." And before I even had time to laugh, I was silenced with a kiss. He didn't try to hide his nervous hesitation, but within seconds he intensified, as he remembered he was in familiar territory; that he already knew everything about me. He knew exactly how to kiss me, exactly where to touch me, and that I knew all the same facts about him. There was a specific vulnerability in this kiss; the fact that we both knew so much just completely opened ourselves up, leaving our bodies to one another's mercy. I didn't even know it had happened and he had scooted closer to me, and had a cold shaking hand just inside my shirt. I grabbed his wrist and reluctantly moved his hand. I pulled our lips apart and caught my breath. I was dizzy, not from lack of oxygen, but excess of adrenaline. It was too much, too fast. His eyes were closed, his mouth still poised, waiting for mine to return.  
"I should um…" I stood up. "I need to go check on Cassidy." And I speed-walked upstairs without a single look back, for fear I might run back to the couch and have him take me right there; where we had our first time.


	6. Chapter 6

_i don't mind you're someone who ain't mine, but someone that i'll get.  
and you don't know how hard i've tried to convince myself that i can easily forget.  
but you left this feeling here inside me,  
one that never fails to find me..._

_i won't lie, i still can't say that i admit we went too far.  
and you won't see me change my mind,  
but i really wish that i could forget the way you are.  
but you left this feeling here inside me,  
the battle in my mind still fights me._

**Chapter six**

"Cassie?" I whispered, peeking my head in her doorway. Her room was my old room, with the bay window and the huge closet. Everything was in the same place as my furniture, just downsized and…cute. No doubt I was raising her to grow up to be me. She had care bears posters, Harry Potter sheets, and slept with Jack and Sally dolls. She was completely adorable, and she was the undeniable hybrid of Patrick and I. I sat on the floor next to her bed and stroked her cheek. Her face twitched a little in her sleep. I knew I shouldn't wake her up, it was almost nine. But part of me wanted to tell Cassidy before I told Patrick. I don't think Cassidy even knows what a father truly is. I mean, no four year old fully does, but Cassie...has absolutely no grasp of it. I can't even imagine what that would be like. I stood up and kissed her forehead before walking out, closing the door quietly behind me. I sank down the hallway wall, head in my hands, on the verge of tears. There was one question in my head: _have I damaged her? _Is she going to grow up to be just as fucked up as me? If not worse? I looked up as I heard a creak on the stairs. Pete was making his way up. He quickened his pace when he saw me sitting alone. I realized I really hadn't had any time alone with him. He didn't even say anything, just extended an arm down to me. I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet and straight into his arms. He hugged me tight and it can't have been more than three seconds before I was shaking and crying silently but violently into his chest. He didn't let go until I was completely still and calm, at which point he kissed the top of my head and released me, rubbing my shoulders.  
"Hi." He whispered.  
"Hey." It was almost a sob. He shushed me, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. It was like behind six years old and having my dad pick me up when I fell off the swing. It almost sent me into hysterics again, because I hadn't felt this well cared for in five years.  
"Come on." He walked me into my room and tucked me into bed, crawling in next to me and hugging me close to his frame. He was my big brother, and I'd just woken up crying from a nightmare. "Now talk to me." I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to cry again, I didn't have it in me. Not that I didn't have the tears or the reason, I could've cried into his chest like a toddler all night if I needed to, but I didn't have the energy. But I didn't say anything. I just sat there and stared just over his shoulder. He sighed. "I could sit here and lecture you about what you should've done regarding Patrick and your baby, but that'd be pointless. I think you've already punished yourself enough, and I can't change the decisions you made five years ago. I understand why you did what you did. None of us are happy about it but we all pretty much agree that you did what you felt was right. But you need to set things right." And with that I was gone. Sent back into completely hysterics. He was right. "I'm not gonna lie and tell you he's gonna be happy and super excited when he finds out that Cassie is his...but it won't destroy him. But do you know what will destroy him, no, what's destroying him right now?" I shook my head. "You've let him think that you forgot about him and went with some other guy almost as soon as he was out the door." I almost screamed when I realized this. "Heather, I can vouch for him right now: he didn't so much as kiss another girl. And look what he thinks you did."  
"Okay stop." And he did. "I get it, stop."  
"Sorry. I just...you need to talk to him"  
"I just tried...sort if"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I was just sitting with him and Cassie came downstairs and...and I even told him that Cassie looks just like her dad...and he kissed me."  
"Wait, really?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well obviously he still loves you, Heather. That's like, apparent to you, is it not?"  
"Yeah, it is."  
"And don't even look at me if you're gonna tell me you don't love him too."  
"I do."  
"Then what are you scared of?"  
"I'm not…scared of anything I'm just..."  
"What are you worried about?"  
"Nothing I'm like..."  
"Then you're nervous that..."  
"I'm not nervous I..."  
"Then you're ready. Ready to tell him." I took a deep breath.  
"Am I?" He nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off of mine. His gaze steadied my breathing and my mind. "I am."  
"You are. Not tonight of course. Save it for tomorrow, okay?"  
"Alright."  
"Close your eyes and chill."  
"Okay." I rolled over and started to set my alarm, but Pete stopped me.  
"Hey, don't worry about the morning."  
"But Cassie..."  
"Give us a chance to hang with her. It's all good."  
"Thank you, Petey." He laughed.  
"Welcome, Heathaa." He whined, reaching the highest octaves of his voice. I had to laugh as well.  
"You're still too good at that.  
"I know." We both came to attention as we heard creaking on the staircase.  
"It's Patrick."  
"How the...how do you know?" I shrugged.  
"Just...do?"  
"Just...remember."  
"That's completely adorable. What me to let him in?" I shook my head.  
"Not tonight. Tell him anything, I don't care."  
"Alright. Night kiddo."  
"Night. Pete rushed towards the door, letting himself out and closing the door quietly behind him. I shut my eyes and listened to them talk just outside the doorway.  
"Hey Pat, she's not feeling well."  
"What were you doing in-"  
"I just got her Advil from the bathroom. She's gonna get some sleep."  
"She seemed fine just a few minutes ago." I guess whatever else was either whispered or unspoken, but I heard two pairs of feet head back down the stairs. I rolled over and started to prepare how and when I was going to tell Patrick that he had a daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

_so if i call will you be there?  
i miss the nights we used to share.  
up on the rooftop listening to punk rock.  
nobody believed us this could be our one shot  
that was all we had.  
the nights we wasted got us through the days that seemed never ending.  
always in a haze but we just don't care.  
the only place that we could go staring at the world we didn't know,  
wondering if this is all we had.  
40 oz intoxicated dream; all our faded memories; that's what made us who we are today._

**Chapter seven**

I woke up the next morning with a cough and a headache that I could only have caught from Pete or Patrick. Damn. Guilty AND sick. There was a weird metallic taste in my mouth that translated to a heavy feeling in my head and behind my eyes, but it was almost eleven o clock so I decided it was time to get up. I headed downstairs and straight into the kitchen, where I found Joe raiding Cassie's box of Lucky Charms. He paused when he saw me, marshmallows oozing out of his mouth.  
"Nice" I scoffed, getting a glass out of a cabinet.  
"Morning sunshine." He gargled through the mess. He swallowed. "Pete said you had a headache last night, how you feeling?" I swallowed three Advil.  
"Slightly robotic" I responded.  
"Well that's a very Pete answer."  
"Well he got into my brain last night."  
"Yeah he told me, is everything...okay?"  
"...no."  
"What's wrong?"  
"Nothing, once I get the balls up to talk to Patrick about...about Cassie." I took a drink of water. "Where is everyone, by the way?"  
"We were all just hanging out in here and in the living room, Cassie had some cereal, and then made the connection of Pete's name to Peter Pan. Pete said something about...fairy dust and flying lessons and I got...very scared and opted to stay home. Everyone else headed for the playground."  
"Everyone?"  
"Yeah basically."  
"Well, when are they coming back?"  
"Fucked if I know."  
"Alright well I'm gonna go take a shower and I guess if they're not back by the time I get out, I'll go down to the playground and find them."  
"Alright, compadre." He said, clapping me on the shoulder. I was leaving the kitchen to walk  back upstairs when he spoke again. "Hey Heather." I turned around.  
"Yes, Joseph?" I replied, leaning against the doorframe with my mock-serious face.  
"No one's mad at you, just in case you were...I don't know. But...no one's mad at you about Cassie."  
"No one?" I challenged, raising one eyebrow. He broke.  
"Okay well, Patrick is. But everyone else gets it." I nodded.  
"I know. And I think I can at least ease Pat's fury once I talk to him. He doesn't have to be happy about what I did...or let him do, but at least I don't think he'll be so angry anymore."  
"And everyone really loves Cassie. She's a sweetheart. She's really taken to Andy, mostly."  
"I know right? I've never seen her warm up to anyone so quickly."  
"While Andy was in the bathroom, Cassie actually told Pete that Andy reminds her of a floppy dog." I sank to the floor laughing.  
"It's the hair." I mused.  
"Yeah, probably...or the nose." That sent me reeling again.  
"Well, thanks Joey boy."  
"Never again." I laughed.  
"Duly noted." And walked upstairs to shower.

* * *

As I was pulling on a pair of jeans, preparing to walk to the closest playground, I heard voices coming up the sidewalk...singing.  
"Baby beluga in the deep blue sea, swim so wild and you swim so free. Heaven above and the sea below, and a little whale on the go." I distinctly heard Cassie headlining the off-key brigade, but Pete's voice was strongly audible, along with Parker's. I looked out my window overlooking the front lawn and saw Patrick, Parker, and Andy walking up the front path. Pete was bringing up the rear with Cassie sitting on his shoulder, hanging on to Pete's hair with one hand, conducting the song with her other. The front door opened and closed, filling the house with the exuberant singing. "Baby beluga, oh, baby beluga, is the water warm? Is your mama home with you so happy?" I walked downstairs just in time to see Cassie dismount off of Pete's shoulders and onto Parker's lap on the couch. Andy flopped down next to them and pecked Parker on the lips. Pete jumped over the back of the couch, landing across all of them, earning screams of delight from Cassie. Patrick, being last into the house, had no more room and sat down on the armchair facing the couch. Joe came into the room and jokingly leapt into Patrick's lap, causing Patrick to moan in pain. I stared at them, looking up at me with smiling faces and I had to ask myself: _how did I let them go?_ I had no answer for myself, just that I knew right now, more than ever, that I'd made a horrible mistake. Patrick needed to know about Cassie...**tonight**. Wordlessly, I sat down on the floor next to the armchair, pulling my knee to my chest and crossing my arms. We all just sat and talked, mainly about Seinfeld. Cassie just sat there looking completely uninterested. I caught her attention and indicated to her that she should try to braid Andy's hair. She smiled mischievously and went straight for Andy's head  
"HEY!" he protested."HOLD STILL ANDREW!" Cassie shrieked. We all howled with laughter and Andy just shook his head and held still, allowing Cassie to try and braid his hair, probably putting it in the worst knots a toddler is capable of. Overall it was just such an amazing atmosphere, and I almost wanted to cry. I was too happy to have everyone back in my life. But I noticed that Patrick was silent for the most part. His legs folded over the armchair just to my left, and his feet were planted completely on the carpet. I rested my head affectionately on his knee, but still he said nothing. But after maybe two minutes passed, I could feel a few of his fingers tangle tentatively in the ends of my hair. I smiled a little, he didn't want to avoid me after my freakout from last night, and this was a good sign. He was angry at me, but he didn't hate me. He didn't hate me, and I took silent solace in this, and it gave me strength to do what I knew I had to.

* * *

Dinner was a messy, messy affair. We ordered Chinese food and we ordered so much food it took an hour to deliver, and at least another half hour to dole out to everyone. Cassie contented herself next to me with dumplings and white rice, but for everyone else it was a mess of cross-table reaching and white containers everywhere. The stench of twelve different Asian dishes was unbelievable. What I noticed was that in the random seating arrangement, I sat next to Cassie, who had Patrick sitting on her other side, and it was just the three of us on that side of the table. Parker sat opposite Cassie, between Joe and Andy, and Pete sat between us all at the head of the table. I just found it funny, that the three of us ended up sitting on the same side, and I wondered if it was something everyone else did on purpose. I cut all of my food into little tiny pieces; a diet technique I picked up after I had Cassie. Eat smaller bites and you feel like you're eating more, so you're full faster and you're eating less. I am quiet and refined. But Patrick was taking monster bites, and picking food up with his fingers whenever possible. Living in a bus for five years had made a pig of him. I didn't even bother stopping him; he couldn't help himself, he forgot that he knows better. But Cassie laughed at his animalistic habit, and began to follow him, digging into her rice with her fist. I grabbed her hand and wrapped it in a napkin, the mother within me taking over.  
"Cassie, no! Use your spoon sweetie."  
"But Patrick's doing it!"  
"I don't care, you're not. It's not right for little girls to do that."  
"But it's right for big boys?" she questioned. I shot Patrick a "now look what you've done" glare.  
"Well, sometimes. Sometimes big boys can use their hands but not little girls. Never little girls. Okay sweetie?"  
"Fine." She grumbled, picking up her spoon and gouging back into the rice. Parker, who had been also been noticing that Cassie too her cues from Patrick, finally spoke.  
"Cassie babe, eating with your hands is a gross thing that some boys do sometimes. It's part of their cooties." She joined Cassie in scrunching up their faces and whining "Ewww! So be a girl like me and your mommy."  
"Hey, sorry Heather. I didn't know she was following me." Patrick spoke for what I think was the first time since we'd sat down.  
"Oh, no it's fine. She probably learned it from the boys at school, too. It's fine."  
"Oh for sure," chimed Parker again. "I mean come on Heath, look how you eat. I'd expect the nasty habit had to come from Cassie's father." She added a touch of venom to the last word. I had been looking at Patrick, and his eyes shot up at Parker, then to me. Our gaze locked for a moment, and I looked down at my plate. But I could still feel his eyes boring into my skull, concentrating on just what Parker could have meant. I took a deep breath and spoke.  
"Patrick um...could I talk to you upstairs after dinner?"


	8. Chapter 8

_hundreds of miles, you cry like a baby.  
you plead with me, shout, scream, tell me I'm staying.  
i know i know i know, i'm still your love.  
back from the last place that i wanted to fake,  
you laugh with me, shout, scream, now tell me you're staying.  
i know i know i know, you're still my love.  
the same as i love you, you'll always love me too.  
this love isn't good unless it's me and you.  
stick your hands inside of my pockets,  
keep them warm while i'm still here.  
tell them this love hasn't changed me, has it changed me at all?  
stick your heart inside of my chest,  
keep it warm here while we rest.  
tell them this love hasn't changed me, has it changed me at all?_

**Chapter eight**

I could almost see the gears turning in his brain. Everyone was looking at each other in silent understanding of what I meant. Every time Patrick's eyes glanced at Cassie, my whole body tingled. Cassie just looked around at everyone, wondering why the talking had stopped."Sure." Patrick's voice cut through the silence. "Right now?"  
"Sure, why not." I pushed back from the table. "'Scuse us, everyone." Patrick followed me upstairs to my room where I flopped down on the edge of my bed, head in my hands. Patrick stood in front of me, hands in his pockets, staring at the ceiling. "So...how have you been?" I asked, unsure of how else to start. A lump was already rising in my throat, making it oh so hard to talk. I looked up at Patrick, who seemed surprised by the question.  
"Can't...really complain I guess. Except about last night. Why...why did you run off like that? I thought we...I thought we were working things out."  
"No, no we weren't. Working things out is...what I'm doing now."  
"I don't follow."  
"Cassie doesn't complicate things. She simplifies things, she explains things." Tears were now audible in my voice.  
"Heather..." Patrick's voice was cracking. I stood and paced in front of him.  
"Cassie's father didn't...leave when he found out I was pregnant, he left because **he didn't know** I was pregnant. He..." I buried my face in my hands, incapable of further verbalization, and cried harder than I'd cried in years.  
"Why would you let me leave? Why would you let me leave you...and our daughter...all alone?"  
"I didn't want to be the reason that...you didn't get as far as you deserved to go."  
"You mean you...let me leave...knowing you were pregnant...because you wanted me to be famous?"  
"I guess."  
"I can't really decide if that's the greatest or most terrible thing anyone's ever done for me." I somehow managed to laugh. "But I mean...you could still have come with us and we could have...raised a baby together. Why wouldn't you-"  
"I didn't want to raise my baby in the back of a tour bus." He had no response. I had a point. "I'm not saying that I made the best choice but...look at everything you've done because of it."  
"Look at everything I've missed! When were her first words? Her first step? Where was I?"  
"Alright. Alright true...but I mean...look at everything you can still be here for...now that you know."  
"But Heather I..." his voice trailed off, and after a moment of thought, he laughed. "I feel like a little kid whose ice cream just fell off the cone."  
"What?"  
"Ever since I was like...fifteen, I was really excited to have kids. Raise a baby to be...how I saw perfect. Love some little kid, girl or boy, more than anything I've ever loved my whole life. Hear their first words, watch them run to their mother for the first time...and now it's like...hey I've got a kid...but I missed out on all that." As he spoke, I flashed back to those firsts that he'd wanted to see so badly. They were the greatest moments of my life. I robbed Patrick of that. It made my heart hurt to beat.  
"I'm...I'm sorry." I whispered. There was total silence, and then I felt his fingers lift my chin up to his face. He looked me straight in the eyes and struggled for his sentence. I could tell he didn't really want to say it, but he did it for me, and because he meant the second half.  
"Don't be...I love you." And with that, he kissed me. It was unanticipated, but unopposed. It was the ultimate "I forgive you", and therefore the best kiss I'd ever had. He was putting the most fascinating amount of aggression behind his tongue, and his hands weren't in the same place for more than a second at a time. I won't lie; it made me fucking crazy.  
"Andy, do mommy and Patrick love each other?" Patrick and I separated, his arms still holding me to him, and we stared at the doorway where Cassie stood, holding  
Andy's hand. Andy was smirking at us.  
"You know what Cassie? They do." His smirk fell when he saw the looks we were giving him. "Um, she was saying she was sleepy, I thought I'd bring her up and get her ready for bed and stuff..." he covered. Patrick cleared his throat and spoke to Andy through his teeth.  
"Well then maybe you should go ahead and do that." The smirk returned to Andy's face.  
"As you command, el cap-i-tan. Night night you two." He and Cassie started to walk down the hallway, but Andy poked his head back into the room. "And find a fucking condom," he hissed. "No more Cassies!" I laughed out loud, and Patrick chuckled too, but his face didn't agree with the noise. "Goodnight." As soon as Andy was clear, Patrick kicked the door shut with a bang, before assaulting me once more. I shrieked in surprise as I suddenly found that my feet were no longer attached to the ground, and wrapped my legs around Patrick's waist to support my weight: exactly what he wanted. He took a few steps forward and the next thing I knew, my head made contact with the wall. I let go of Patrick's neck with one hand to rub the back of my head.  
"Oww, Patrick, fuck!"  
"Yep, that is the idea." He mumbled against my chest.  
"You dirty fuck."  
"Pretty much."  
"You never asked me for sex when you were seventeen."  
"I'm not seventeen." I looked down.  
"I can see that." I could feel his smirk pressed against my own lips. "This is definitely rape and I just can't tell yet."  
"You're no prisoner."  
"You're pressing your body which is about twice mine, against a wall trapping me maybe four feet off the ground. I'd call myself a prisoner."  
"So be it then. But there's something you need to understand. I haven't had sex in five years."  
"Oh, and I have? Come on, you were busy enough."  
"I'm a **guy**."  
"Oh it can't have been that bad."  
"Here's a nice little image for you: five years with no sex, **Pete starts to look good**." Laughter snorted through my nostrils.  
"That would make legions of Fall Out Boy fans...endlessly happy."  
"Don't I know it. But guess what would make me endlessly happy?" I gasped.  
"Ooooh if I guess right do I get a prize?"  
"You can have the prize right now."

* * *

"Hey Heather, guess what."  
"What, Patrick?"  
"We're in bed...and you're not wearing a shirt." I rolled over to face him.  
"I'm not wearing anything. But checkmate, sugar: neither are you. What's your point?" he pulled me close and buried his face in my neck.  
"I just never thought I'd be...back here again." His breath tickled my neck and I giggled.  
"Where's here?" I inquired. I gasped as he responded by sliding his hand between my thighs.  
"Patrick, stop!" I whined. He growled at me as I pulled his hand away from its destination, instead lacing his fingers with my own. He kissed me. "I love you." I placed a childish voice on our favorite three words.  
"I love you too." We lay in silence, and he kept staring me right in the eyes and smiling like a maniac.  
"I'm sleepy." I whined. I curled up against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair. I was half asleep when his voice whispered my name, with that mischievous boy air I recognized more from Pete.  
"Heather, you awake?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, I was thinking, if you're just going to sleep, can I play with your boobs for a while?" I sighed.  
"Seriously?"  
"Well I'm bored! You know what they say about idle hands..."  
"More of a Devil's Playground than hands that fondle boobs?"  
"...definitely." His sexually charged logic was ironclad.  
"Fiiiine. Just let me sleep."  
"Goodniiiiiight sugar."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter nine**

Sunlight woke me up early. Patrick had fallen asleep with his hands on my boobs. Took me a good minute and a half to realize it too. I gently unlaced his fingers and started to get up, but Patrick got me by the hips and pulled me back down. I squealed in surprise; I'd had no clue he was awake.

"Morning," he mumbled, a sleepy smile on his face.

"Hi," I responded, my dry throat making scratches in my voice. He kissed me.

"You are soooo gorgeous." I laughed.

"Ugh, tell me that after I've showered." His boyish smile was back.

"I'd rather tell you in the shower." His hands were wandering again. "You and me, let's go." Dear God, he knew every spot on my body that turned me on. But I put on my mock-serious voice and tried to resist.

"Now Patrick, there is a specific time and place for this kind of talk-" he was officially growling, and it was vibrating straight into my neck. It was all I had in me not to moan, but that would just egg him on.

"Mhm, time is now, place is here." I grabbed his shoulders and held him playfully at bay.

"Okay, slow down. Let me clarify something for you. What time is it?" Patrick pulled his arm out from under the covers and checked his watch.

"Eight fifty seven."

"Right. And here you are, trying to make me function before nine AM with no coffee in my system." He rolled his eyes. "I'm getting up, making coffee, then maybe going out with Parker. But first, I'm getting dressed," I kissed him, giving just enough tongue to tease the hell out of him. "Slowly," I added before sliding out of bed.

When I got downstairs I could smell fresh-brewed coffee. I walked into the kitchen and Parker extended a hot mug towards me.

"Who's the best?" she asked. My jaw dropped as I inhaled the smell.

"I. Love you. I want to turn lesbian and marry you. And you will be my live-in coffee wench forever more."

"You're welcome."

"Where's everybody?"

"Ummmm...Pete and Joe went grocery shopping I think, Andy's still asleep on the couch, Cassie's still sleeping and...I have no clue where Patrick is."

"Oh, he's still asleep in my room." Parker choked on her coffee.

"Patrick? Asleep in Heather's bed? Oh happy scandal!" I had to laugh, she laughed too, but then she became serious. "So did you...tell him?" I nodded. "How'd he...I mean, is he okay?"  
I nodded again.

"It didn't go how I thought it would."

"What, did he freak?"

"Not at all. He was really calm. I think he was just completely shocked. And I was so scared...and so relieved that I just broke down. And he told me it was okay...and one thing lead to another and BOOM: bed."

"Yayyyy." She clapped. "When are you telling Cassie?"

"Soon I guess. I wanted to talk to Pat about that today actually."

"Good plan, good plan. And hey, next time you guys wanna, you know, start a fire, tell him to take you out to the tour bus." She noticed my eyebrows raise. "I tell you sweetie, you have not lived until you've fucked in a bus bunk. Swear to God." I shook my head.

"And the award for 'Mental Image I Definitely Didn't Need Today' goes to..." Parker bowed to imaginary applause.

"How are you and Andy doing anyway?" she smiled.

"Great. We're not bored of each other which is always good. The sex is phenomenal."

"Again with the information which I do not need!" She smacked the table from laughing so hard. 

"So you guys have been together for like...six years haven't you?"

"Like six and a half, I think. We don't really bother with the whole anniversary thing, so I don't know exactly."

"Wow though. Think you guys'll get married?"

"I...I don't know. I mean...God knows I love that boy. I loooove Andrew John Hurley with all my heart and my life, no question. But I mean...I don't know if I'm cut out for married life, you know? But I want to be able to do something for him. I know he wants to get married. Pete told me that Andy bought a ring like a YEAR ago and he's just a nervous fuck."

"If Andy walked into this kitchen right now, got down on one knee and said 'Parker Angela Morgan, will you marry me?' what would you say?" She opened her mouth to reply, but then hesitated. Her smile grew, then faded, then grew again.

"I'd say...hell yes dummy, why are you even asking?"

"Then you, dear madame, are cut out for married life." She looked for assurance in her coffee mug.

"Heyooooo!" called Andy as he came into the kitchen. He had Cassie in his arms. "Look what I found." He flipped Cassie upside-down and she howled with laugher. He then threw her gently into the air and caught her her, earning screams.

"Andy, be careful!" Parker cautioned.

"She's fine, babes." Andy placed Cassie down on the floor, and she ran and jumped into my lap, kissing my cheek.

"Guh Mawning mommy."

"Good morning Barbie girl." She giggled at her favorite nickname.

"And how are my three favorite senoritas this morning?" Andy asked.

"Fine," Parker and I chorused. Andy laid a good morning kiss to Parker's lips.

"Mm, you've got morning breath. But you're still hot when you speak Spanish." Andy say down and drained Parker's mug.

"Yeah, or what little I know." Parker shrugged.

"You're still adorable."

"I know this." He turned to me. "You and fearless leader seemed to be working things out last night. What happened?"

"Things I can't say in front of Cassie. But I told him a big secret," I placed a hand on Cassie's head. "And...there were hot dogs and donuts for everyone."

"I want a donut!" cried Cassie. Andy and Parker collapsed with laughter.

"Well, Cassidy sweetie, you'll have one soon. I promise."

"Nope, nope you'll have one now," said Parker, wiping a tear from her eye. "I wanna go out. I'll take your car to Dunkin's with Cassie. That way you can talk to Patrick about that big secret for a while." I mouthed "thank you" to Parker as she stood up, lifting Cassie out of my lap. "Come on Cassieface, let's get dressed. You and Auntie Parker are gonna steal mommy's car."

"James Bond! James Bond!" Cassie squealed.

"Yeah, pretty much." Andy stood up once Parker's and Cassie's voices had faded.

"I'm gonna shower, cool?" I nodded. "Pete and Joe should be back soon, they went on a mega shopping trip because we've pretty much been cleaning you out, you know?"

"It's fine, dude. I'm pumped to have you guys raping my kitchen again." He laughed and started to leave. "Hey Andy?"

"What's up, kiddo?"

"You and Parker: dating 'till the day you die?"

"Verses...?"

"Getting married? Starting a family? I don't know." Andy took a deep breath.

"I really love that girl, Heather. I really do."

"She loves you too."

"Don't I know it."

"So what's stopping you?" he shook his head.

"I got her this gorgeous ring and everything. At least, I think it's gorgeous. I'm just...I guess I'm just waiting for the...right time, I guess?" He crossed the room in two steps and got on his knees, resting his hands on my thighs. "Hey...will you help me set something up? A proposal? Something epic, beautiful, perfect. Something she'll remember. God, I'll feel so much better if you sign off on everything." He stared at me with the pleading puppy-dog eyes that we all knew him for.

"How can I say no? Of course, we'll plan it all out soon." He jumped up and kissed my cheek.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! You're the greatest, like really, the greatest." I'd never seen him smile quite so wide. He ran upstairs and I heard him bolt himself in the bathroom. Almost as soon as the door was closed, I heard Pete and Joe yelling for help outside. I walked out the front door to see Pete and Joe on the ground panting in the driveway, at least a dozen plastic grocery bags laying around them.

"You guys could've taken my car!" Pete made the effort to lift his head, and stare at me like I was crazy.

"No way in hell were we going into your room to ask for your car with Patrick in there. God knows what kind of porno we would've seen." He sat up, shaking his tired arms. "Now help us out." I walked over to Joe as Pete pulled himself to his feet, and together we lifted Joe up. We each pulled up equal bags, and Pete and Joe sprinted into the house yelling "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Pete dropped his bags onto the kitchen floor and ran into the living room. I dropped my bags near his and called to him.

"Oh, awesome. Strand me with unloading these?" Pete peeked his head through the kitchen door, and I heard a voice singing. I looked at him as he began to mouth along to Head Automatica, blasting from his iHome.

"Baby is this love for real?" Joe and I joined in, hamming it up, just for fun.

"Let me in your arms to feel the beating of your heart baby, the beating of your heart baby!" Pete placed his iHome on the table and began to dance as he helped us put food away.

"Dance Party! Dance Party!" cried Cassie, running down the stairs. Cassie started jumping in a circle, waving her arms to the music.

"Cassie, come on girl let's go get donuts. Don't you wanna hang out with me?" Parker whined from the doorway.

"Want dance party, Auntie Parker!" Cassie yelled. Parker rolled her eyes and started to tango with Joe. Patrick came wandering into the room, wondering what all the nose was about. When Cassie saw him: the only person not doing something, she held her arms up to him and jumped. 

"Dance with me, Patrick!" she demanded. He froze for a moment, and stared at her as if he'd never seen her before. He suddenly looked at me, and his eyes begged for help. I nodded, and he smiled, lifting Cassie into the air. They laughed together, and the pure euphoria on Patrick's face was enough to make me want to cry. He bounced his daughter around in time with the song, singing softly along. You could not beat this feeling, not with anything in the world.

* * *

Parker eventually got Cassie out of the house so we could talk freely about the situation. But no one was really rushing to do so, at least not in the serious tone I felt it deserved.

"So, Miss Matheson; Other than raising a pop icon's illegitimate child, how have you been busying yourself these past few years?" asked Pete, leaning on the table, interviewer style. I smiled as Patrick tried to hide a slight blush

"I could show you," I suggested, standing up.

"Uhhh, given your mad skills with Patrick, do we want to see what you do for a living?" Joe shook his head at Pete's question. I just did three toe touches and an arm stretch before going into the latest ballet routine from my teen class. I was flawless, or as flawless as one can be when dancing to Cinderella in a kitchen. When I was done, I stepped into first position and bowed, to surprising applause from the four boys.

"You're a dancer now?" asked Joe in total disbelief.

"I used to ballet and tap when I was younger, but I quit like a year before we moved out here. I started going back to a studio right outside Chicago, you know, to get my figure back after Cassie was born. And one day they had an opening for a new teacher for six year olds which...sounded easy enough. So I got into that, while still learning myself, and now I have a class of six and seven year olds, ten and eleven year olds, and fifteen and sixteen year olds. That was my fifteen and sixteen year old's latest routine. Or, part of it. That was Cinderella's chores dance."

"Damn Patrick, you're one lucky son of a bitch," Andy stated blankly.

"Yeah...she is pretty amazing," Patrick replied, standing and pulling me close, pressing our foreheads together.

"I believe Andrew was referring to how high Heather got her leg before. Lucky fucking bastard." Patrick was surprised by the joke, and his laugh reflected it, laughing right into my face which was still touching his. I didn't mind the almost harsh sound; he was just happy. Probably the happiest I've ever seen him. To add to the comedy, I took my right leg and wrapped it around his frame as high as I could, managing to get as high as his ribcage.

"You're the most adorable thing."

"Actually you are. You're my teddy bear."

"Are you calling him fat, Heatherette?" laughed Pete.

"No!" I let go of Patrick and turned to the smiling bunch. "He's a...little chubby, that's all." Patrick dropped his head and pouted, channeling Andy's puppy-dog eyes. "Oh baby, it's just from being on the road." I ran my fingers through his hair. "You're still sexy." My fingers found the roughness on the sides of his face, and I scrunched up my nose at him. "Shave these sideburns! They're nasty." Patrick pouted again.

"Not Frederick and Steven!" cried Andy. "If you shave them off then Roland and Jonas will have no one to talk to!"

"You named your sideburns?" I shouted. Andy looked shocked.

"It's a brotherhood," he said, as if insulted.

"...of sideburns," I finished. "Unbelievable." Patrick laughed and snaked his hands around my shoulders from behind.

"We're just goofing around, sugar." He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear. "And I'll shave them later."

"I heard that!" yelled Andy, unable to contain his smile.

"What I meant was," started Patrick, sitting down and pulling me between his legs, "I'll shave my sideburns later, if..."

"If?" I questioned him.

"If you'll dance for me. Much later."

"You brat." I pounded on his chest.

"You love it," he goaded.

"Yeah, I probably do." I tugged on his arm. "Can I talk to you for a little while?" I tried to put on my serious face. He caught it.

"Sure, sugar." He let me lead him to the living room couch. "Talk to me," he commanded as we sat. I sat facing him and held his hands.

"Do you want to tell Cassie that you're her dad? Should I? When-"

"She barely knows me, Heather."

"I know but..."

"Give her some time to get used to me."

"We've waited a long time for this-"

"No, you've waited a long time. Would I be wrong to say that Cassie is probably none the wiser?

"Well, I guess not but...yeah, okay."

"I'll make her like me. She'll have fun with me and then...next week. How about next week? Thursday. One week from today." I nodded.

"You're right. You're absolutely right. That's exactly what she needs." He kissed me lightly, running a hand through my hair.

"I love Cassie. I love you. I loved you the day I met you. And till the day I die, I swear on everything I am, that I will love you," he kissed me again, "like oxygen."


	10. Chapter 10

_and the best way to make it through  
with hearts and wrists intact  
is to realize  
two out of three ain't bad._

**Chapter ten**

You know, Cassie is really close to Andy, but she's definitely letting Patrick grow on her. He's such a goofball around her, and she loves every minute of it. He cooks for her, sings her favorite songs with her, even reads her bedtime stories. He was the ideal father. He didn't yell when she spilled something, or get annoyed when she wanted him to pick her up. He welcomed the opportunities to give her attention, or let her see that he's not an angry person the way he presented himself the day Cassie first saw him. He was becoming the father I wish I'd had.

It was close to two AM on Tuesday morning. I was having trouble sleeping because Patrick had a stuffy nose and it was making him snore. I didn't really mind; I was used to sleepless nights from when Cassie was a baby. She was such a fussy little thing. But then Patrick rolled over, and the snoring stopped. Yay. I snuggled down into my pillow, now ready to get some sleep. But I heard Patrick yawn, and slide closer to me. Little kisses found my jaw line and his breath on my neck made my whole body tingle.

"Um...hi, babe."

"Didn't know you were up," he mumbled.

"That's not creepy at all," I laughed. "Do this often?"

"Helps me get back to sleep." His hand found my hip, but I held it from going any further.

"I'm too tired, Pat."

"And I'm staying in my pants."

"Fine."

"What're you doing up, sugar?"

"You were snoring like a train engine."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Once you have a baby you kind of develop and understanding that a full night's sleep is never guaranteed."

"Well I'll lay on my side. I think that helps."

"Thank you."

"Of course." I think he was about as close to falling asleep as I was, when we heard little footsteps hurrying through the hallway. "That Cassie?" Patrick asked, sitting up.

"Yeah I think so." I sat up as well. Cassie peeked her head shyly through the doorway.

"Cassieface, what's the matter?" asked Patrick, getting up and walking towards where she stood. He knelt and held both of her shoulders. "Oh sweetheart, you're shaking. Come here." He stood, lifting Cassie with him, and carried her back to the bed. He scooted to sit against the headboard, and Cassie clung to his t-shirt. I moved closer to Patrick and stroked Cassie's hair.

"Barbie girl, what's wrong? Bad dream?" She shook her head. "What then?"

"There's a man in my closet," Her whisper was shaky and terrified. "I heard him talking."

"Shit," Patrick whispered.

"Yeah, her closet is on the wall that borders this room. She probably just heard you and thought it came from the closet," I realized. Patrick sighed and pulled Cassie up to stand on his thighs.

"That was just me, Cass. I woke your mommy up and we were just talking. You heard me, I'm sorry." His words weren't calming her. "Just me. Am I a scary man?" Cassie shook her head. "Everything's fine, go on back to bed." Cassie didn't move.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I asked. Cassie grabbed Patrick's hand, her little hands barely closing around three of his fingers, and jumped off the bed, tugging Patrick to follow.

"Will you come look in my closet, Patrick?" she whimpered.

"Sure, kiddo," said Patrick, standing up and following Cassie.

"And under my bed?" I heard Cassie ask from the hallway.

"Yup." There were a few minutes of silence as Patrick did the monster check, and when he returned, he was holding Cassie, who had her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "The princess requests permission to spend the night in here."

"The queen consents," I said, holding my arms out for Patrick to place Cassie in. But he smiled.

"Come on, Cassie! Pile on mommy!" he whisper-yelled. He sprinted over to the bed and threw himself across my lap, earning a groan from me as Cassie tried to keep her laughter quiet. She and Patrick got under the blankets, and Cassie pulled Patrick's arm across her like a seatbelt, holding his hand to her cheek like a pillow, her brow still furrowed in sleepy fear. "Cassieeeee," Patrick whispered. She whined, not wanting to open her eyes. "Baby Cassieeeeee." She squealed in protest from the bottom of her throat.

"Sweetie there's no monsters here. Just mommy and da-...just mommy and Patrick." Cassie clearly was not hearing it. A little girl stays scared for hours. Patrick looked imploringly at me, clearly wanting to make her feel better. I shrugged back at him, lost for a solution. He sighed and looked back at Cassie, tucking her hair behind her ear, clearing his throat.

"Last year's wishes are this year's apologies every last time I come home. I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two. I only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause I know how the words get you. We're the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off. Bulletproof to loneliness at best, at best." His eyes found mine. "Me and you, setting in our honeymoon. If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you. Me and you, setting in our honeymoon. If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you. Collect the bad habits that you couldn't bear to keep out of the words that I love. A tree I used to lay beneath, kissed teeth stained red, " he nuzzled his nose to Cassie's cheek and she giggled. "from a sour bottle baby girl with eyes the size of baby worlds. We're the new face of failure. Prettier and younger but not any better off. Bulletproof to loneliness at best, at best..."


	11. Chapter 11

_i'd walk through hell for you.  
let it burn right through my shoes.  
these soles are useless without you.  
through hell for you  
let the torturing ensue.  
my soul is useless without you_

**Chapter 11**

"Thank God I'm here to help you, Andrew," I said, "Because Parker'd kill you for this ring." In my hands I held a thin gold band with a minuscule diamond set in the top. "I mean, this ring is too big for me, and Parker is a tiny little thing. And it's so..."

"When I bought it, I asked myself if she'd want a simple little ring, or a big super blingy ring. When I thought about how simple our relationship is...I thought maybe the ring should reflect that."

"Wrong."

"Wrong?"

"The ring's opulence should be inversely proportional to the simplicity of the relationship."

"...What?" I sighed.

"Basically, the stronger your love is, the more it shines, and so, the brighter the ring should shine."

"I just never pegged Parker as a girl with expensive tastes."

"Your girlfriend has had a boob job, liposuction, and dyes her hair a new color every month. You think she's simple?"

"You're probably right."

"Well then let's go."

* * *

"You know," I said, admiring the new ring, "I almost want this one for myself. It's gorgeous."

"And expensive."

"Look me in the eyes, Mr. MTV, and tell me you couldn't afford this."

"Yeah, you're right." He rolled the ring between two fingers, letting it glint in the sunlight shining through the window. It was a silver band with little diamonds set into the whole band, and at the top there were three small diamonds set in a row: a blue, a pink, and a green.

"Plus, the powerpuff feel doesn't hurt. Very her."

"I really hope she likes it."

"She will. Now what're you thinking for the actual proposal?"

"I'm thinking..." He made a few unintelligible noises of no ideas. "I'm thinking this is why I need your help." I laughed.

"Maybe."

"Do you...have any ideas?"

"Well...she'll want an audience. I can tell you that right now. We should all be there. What about...evening barbeque? Some time this week? Tell her it's...just a 'good to be home' kind of deal and then at the end...boom, surprise."

"I think I like it."

"Very good. Oh shit!" I caught a glance at the clock. "I have to go teach! Ah fuck, I'm such an idiot."

"Sorry!" called Andy as I ran upstairs. I could hear Patrick and Cassie in her room, but stopped short in the doorway.

"Dear god man, what are you doing?" I cried. Patrick dropped the doll he was dressing, and put his hands in the air. But we both laughed and he held the doll up to his face.

"I'm Sandy, aren't I so pretty?" he asked.

"You're so something," I shook my head. "I have to drive out to my class now. Watch Cassie for me? I'll be back in like three hours." He stood up and gave me a hug.

"No problem, sugar. We'll go to the playground or something." He kissed me. "See you later."

"Mm. Love you."

"Patrick!" Cassie squealed. "Leave mommy alone, we have to get our nails done."

"Cassie are you really going to paint my nails?"

"Pink!"

"Heather, tell her no!"

"Cassie...I think Patrick," I started. "Would look much better with purple."

"Okay mommy."

"Heather!" He was laughing.

"Gotta go babe. Bye!" I walked into my room, pulled on my dance clothes, got in my car, and drove away.

* * *

"Please, sugar? It's been like four days."

"You are seriously the biggest closet nymphomaniac ever."

"Biggest? Are you calling me fat again?"

"No. You're hot."

"Prove it."

"Patrick,"

"Heather."

God damn Patrick Stump and his bedroom logic.

"Okay. Tonight, I promise. I'll even dance if you want."

"Sounds like fun."

"But answer me one question."

"What's that, sugar?" I managed to roll out from under him, but held his face, looking at mine, keeping him at attention.

"Are you ready to talk to Cassie?" I asked his eyes. He didn't answer right away, but his face showed no doubt.

"Yes," he whispered. "Ready when you are."

"I'm ready." He paused, probably not expecting me to want to go now. But then he nodded.

"Let's go get her."

* * *

We found Cassie in her room playing dolls again, this time with Andy. He looked up.

"I can't remember the last time I had this much fun," he said. There was a genuine smile on his face. I leaned against Patrick and smiled.

"A kid just kind of does that to you," Patrick agreed.

"Actually, Andy," I started. "If you could tear yourself away from the dream house for a little while...we want to talk to Cassie...about Patrick." Andy's jaw dropped, but only for a second, and he was on his feet and heading for the door before you could even blink.

"Absolutely," he said. "Definitely. Proud of you guys." He hurried down the stairs, and Patrick and I sat down with Cassie.

"Hello, Barbie girl," I said. "Can I talk to you?" Cassie nodded, but didn't take her concentration off of a stubborn doll's shoe that just wouldn't stay on. I gently removed the doll from her hands.

"Mommy!" She protested.

"Just for a minute sweetheart, I want your full attention, okay?" she crossed her arms and pouted at me.

"Fine," she huffed.

"Okay sweetie, tell me this: do you love mommy very much?" I asked. Cassie nodded. "And Peter and Joey and Andy and Parker?" Cassie nodded again. "And Patrick?" I patted Patrick's thigh.

"Yes," said Cassie, getting fed up with all the questions.

"Well we all love you very much too," Patrick said, pulling Cassie into his lap and rocking her side to side. "You're the sweetest little girl in the whole wide world. But besides that, do you know why your mommy loves you so much?"

"Why?" sighed Cassie, slumping back against Patrick's stomach, ear against his chest, completely uninterested.

"Mommy loves you because you're _her_ sweet little baby girl. You came right out of there," he rubbed my stomach, "Did you know that?"

"Uh-huh." Patrick wrapped his arms around Cassie's shoulders and spoke close to her ear.

"And do you know why I love you so much?'

"Why?"

"Because I love your mommy very much. And," he took a deep breath and pulled Cassie to her feet, swinging her arms gently with his hands holding hers, "and...while I know this might not make sense now, it will someday, but...I'm your daddy." He choked on the words, tears closing his throat off like peanut butter. Cassie just stared at him wordlessly, and occasionally glanced at me. I was silent. Finally, her face screwed up with an emotion I couldn't define. She ripped her hands out of Patrick's grasp and flew out of the room. Patrick and I just sat there in stunned silence. Patrick finally looked at me, and through all the emotions I knew he had in his head, all he could manage to do was smile slightly. "Well I...I wasn't prepared for that."

"Jesus, me neither," I muttered, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry. I don't know why she reacted...that way."

"I thought she'd be excited. I didn't see that coming..."

"Me neither."  
But I really should have.


	12. Chapter 12

_I saw, I smelled what he did to you, girl,  
and to be frank, the thought makes my innards curl.  
How he preyed on your ripe insecurities.  
The thorn in your side is alive, and it's killing me._

**Chapter 12**

After coming close to tears, Patrick pulled himself together and we went downstairs to find Cassie. That didn't take long; she was on the couch with Andy, clinging to him for dear life. She wasn't crying, just staring at the wall, bunches of Andy's shirt clutched in her fits. Andy sat there with a bewildered look on his face, stroking Cassie's hair.

"She won't tell me what's wrong," he started, "She just came barreling down the stairs and ran to me as soon as she saw me. What happened?"

"She...she freaked out when we told her that I'm her dad," said Patrick, sitting down next to Andy. I stood in front of Andy and tried to pick Cassie up. She squealed and held on tighter.

"Cassie, sweetie, let go," I groaned, surprised at her strength. I tried to pull again, and this time it actually lurched Andy forward.

"Woah, woah. It's fine, Heather. Let her sit," said Andy, leaning back again. I sighed and sat down on the floor.

"Cassie?" Her face scrunched up at my voice. "Why are you sad?" She wouldn't respond.

"I'm sorry, Cassie," Patrick said, his tone surprisingly even. "I thought you'd be excited. I thought we were having a lot of fun together." Still nothing. I let the silence play out, letting Cassie calm down.

"Cassie, answer me. Do you want Patrick to be your daddy?" She didn't move. She didn't look at anyone, but she spoke, her voice scared and mournful.

"I don't want him to leave...like Davey." All the color drained from my face. It's a hard realization to have, but too many mothers have it. Knowing that you messed your own kid up for life.

"Davey?" I choked, "You think Patrick will leave now that he's your daddy? Because of what Davey did?" Cassie shrugged, and I could feel Andy and Patrick staring at me.

"Heather," Patrick whispered, "Who's Davey?" My mouth gaped for words like a fish out of water.

"Heather, answer him," Andy commanded. I looked up at him, then at Patrick. They seemed to be putting two and two together. I couldn't handle it. I stood up and walked out the back door. I sat cross-legged in the grass, face in my hands.

"**Heather**!" The back door opened and Patrick came running towards me. "Heather, what the fuck is going on here? Who the fuck is Davey?" I shook my head. "Heather, tell me...please." I shook my head again in disbelief and stood up, hands in my back pockets.

"I haven't thought about...David Michael Spano in almost...two years. I didn't know that...this had happened to Cassie. Christ, I didn't know she even remembered him. I just can't believe it. I'm sorry, Patrick. This is all my fault."

"Heather, What is your fault? I'm so fucking lost..." I took a deep breath, and two steps away from him.

"Before you get mad, or even say anything, you have to let me finish. Promise." He nodded.

"Promise."

"Okay," I took another deep breath, "I met Dave Spano at a bar on my birthday three years ago. He was tall...tan...had hair that went down into green eyes...god damn, really hot,"

"I get the point."

"Right, sorry. We went on some dates and found out that we really liked each other. Brought him home one day and he just loved Cassie. He had a thing with kids, I don't know. Cassie was almost one. I didn't tell him who her father was. He probably wouldn't have believed me anyway. Dave was the first guy I'd dated since you left, and he was great in every way. We were serious for about a year. We did the 'I love you' thing, Cassie loved him...I really saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. About three days after Cassie's second birthday, Dave proposed to me and I accepted,"

"What?!"

"Patrick! Anyway after like a week of engagement, we decided that we could tell Cassie that she could stop calling Dave by his name, and...start calling him Daddy."

"Oh my God, Heather!"

"Shut up, Patrick! We were gonna have a wedding in the summer. But..."

"...but?"

"Relationships fail. We started fighting. Honestly now I can't even remember what we fought about, but whatever it was...it was enough to make him just up and leave one day. You try 

explaining to a two-year-old girl why the man who was going to show her what it's like to have a real father would just leave."

"Well...what did you tell her?" I looked at him, knowing that if anything was going to set him off, it was going to be this.

"I told her that...sometimes daddies go away...and they can't come back."

"Well that was stupid." His bluntness threw me.

"Well it's not a lie, is it? Where's mine? Where's yours? Where's Pete's? Where are both of Cassie's?"

"I'm right here, damn it!" he pounded his chest like an animal, completely overcome. "I came back! And you fucking know I never would've left if I'd known!" I sobbed and fell back to the ground, face back in my hands, crying like a rape victim. I could hear his breathing, growing calmer with every second. "Fuck...Heather...get up." He placed a hand on both my hip and pulled me to my feet and into his arms. "Okay. Okay. We're gonna...we're gonna fix this."

"How?"

"Fuck, I don't know. But what choice do we have? This is just gonna be one of those...parenting things, isn't it?"

"Normally, probably not."

"Well, just going by her gene pool, I don't think Cassie ever had a shot at 'normal', did she?" I had to laugh.

"I guess you're right." He pulled away and looked me in my eyes.

"She's gonna figure out eventually that I'm not going anywhere. She's your kid, she's got to have some sense in her." I shook my head.

"Any sense she's got does not come from me, that's for sure."

"This may be true. I mean come on, how could you ever go for another guy after you'd had me?" We both laughed.

"Ugh, so you're not mad?" he shrugged.

"It's a bruise to my ego but...I'll get over it. After all, I'm clearly smarter than this Dave guy. What was he thinking?" I shook my head.

"Shut up."

"Make me!" He tickled my sides.

"Stop it, Patrick!"

"No."

"Patrick!" he just laughed, and kissed me, lingering for a moment.

"Alright, gotta go." He released me and started walking back towards the house.

"Where are you going?"

"Come on."

"Patrick!"

"Come on!" I followed him inside, and back to where Cassie and Andy still sat, now with Parker. Patrick walked right over to them and picked Cassie up, ignoring her protests, and her almost ripping Andy's shirt in an attempt to stay on the couch. "Come on, Bug, let's go talk." He succeeded in hoisting Cassie over his shoulder, and headed for the stairs.

"Am I coming?" I asked, hands on my hips.

"Nope."

"So what are we supposed to-"

"Just wait."

* * *

It was less than ten minutes before Patrick came back downstairs, this time carrying Cassie (not like a hostage this time) on his back. She was smiling and talking to him like they were old day care pals. It was infectious.

"What's going on, baby girl?" I asked, sitting up.

"Me and Cassie are gonna go on an adventure, I think," Patrick said, swinging Cassie around and lowering her to her feet.

"Where are you going?" I prodded. Patrick shrugged.

"Dunno yet. Somewhere fun. Either way, we're borrowing the car. Joe!"

"Yello?" Joe poked his head through the kitchen doorway.

"Wanna come for a ride with me and Cassie?"

"Why I surely do." And he walked into the room. The three of them started walking towards the front door.

"Get her dinner, Patrick!" I called.

"Yes, baby."

"And have her home by eight!"

"Yes, baby."

"Where are we going?" asked Joe.

"Let's go to the zoo!" cried Cassie.

"Holy crap, this is my kid!" yelled Patrick, sending Parker, Andy, and I into hysterics. As the front door opened and closed, we calmed down, and Andy turned to me.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I think so.


	13. Chapter 13

_joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of best friends.  
we're the kids who feel like dead ends.  
and i want to be known for my hits, not just my misses.  
i took a shot and it didn't even come close.  
and trust and love are the roads.  
and the poets are just the kids who didn't make it,  
and never had it at all._

"How about we pretend it's for memorial day?"

"Fucking good idea, bro."

"We could make a string light canopy, maybe...somehow?"

"Pft, what the fuck, Andy? You didn't kneed my help with this shit."

"Believe me, yes he did," Pete said as he and Joe entered the kitchen and sat down with Andy and I.

"Have you been listening this whole time?" I asked.

"Maybe," Joe shrugged.

"Well this was kind of supposed to be a surprise for everyone," I emphasized the last word.

"Well we're not stupid-"

"Hahaack!" Pete was interrupted by Andy disguising a laugh as a cough. He glared at Andy. "Our lips are sealed."

"Fine well, be sealed-lipped helpers then. Can we work out logistics on a string light canopy?" Andy asked. Pete cracked his knuckles.

"Yes, yes we can, as long as you're willing to bend to my definition of logistics."

"Oh shot," Andy did a facepalm. "We're screwed."

"No, actually, you're saved."

* * *

**one month later**

"Can you believe that Andy is proposing to Parker like...this weekend?" I asked.

"Our little boy is growing up," replied Pete. I laughed.

"God, remember what a nervous fuck he was when they were just starting out? He wouldn't even touch her." Pete giggled. "Drove Parker up the wall, but it was kind of cute in a way."

"You know, now is a really bad time for anyone to catch you calling Andy cute."

"Oh shut up. You know what I meant."

"Of course, I totally know. Some chicks just get off on home-wrecking. It's cool." I shoved him.

"Yeah you're funny."

"I know. Ooh! Stop!"

"What?"

"I love that movie! Go down like two channels." I obliged and stopped my channel surfing.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Fucking Prom Night remake! You never saw this?"

"It looked stupid."

"Yeah, it did, but it was still pretty good. Come here, this is gonna scare the fuck out of me."

"My god, Peter. You are such a girl."

"I know," he squeezed his arms tight around my middle. He was cold; I rubbed his forearms as they rested on my stomach. He rested his cheek on the top of my head. Perfect contentment. He was a protector, the big brother I never had. Well, I don't think brothers and sisters even get along this well. "So like, your job schedule must cause problems with Cassie. Who watched her before we showed up?" I shifted in his grip.

"Well, I had a housekeeper named Sofia who I just let go. Fuck, I've got you guys, she'd flip a shit. She would double as a sitter sometimes. Other than that, there's a cute gay couple living two houses down that just adore Cassie." Pete attacked me.

"Ohmigosh lesbians?!" he cried, eyes wide open, waiting for a response. I batted at his chest.

"Fuck! Peter! Get the fuck off me." I shouted. He reluctantly sat up, chanting "lesbians" under his breath. "No, two gay guys: Adam and Craig. Sweetest things in the world. Moved into the Carter's old house about three months after you went on tour." He hugged me.

"Nooooo. I don't wanna talk about going away. We're so sick of touring. We wanna stay with you." I hugged him back.

"Well good. You better fucking stick around. It's really boring around here without you."

"Well, I can't really sympathize on the boring thing, but life's not the same without my little Heathaaa."

"Peteeeee."

"I know, I know." He planted a kiss on the top of my head, and his lips lingered, his breath warming my scalp, giving me goose bumps. I could feel his face moving, strangely close to mine. Not in the brother-brother way anymore, and he kissed my cheek. Why I moved, even now I can't tell you. But I turned towards him and before I knew what was happening, we were locked. A tongue, a suck, a hand, everything askew and in all the wrong places, but I just couldn't stop myself. It struck me that in all the years that I'd known Pete Wentz, this was one of the few things we'd never done: romantic interaction. This was the fastest I'd ever gone from zero to makeout. I knew I knew I knew the instant we collided that this wasn't right. Something told me he knew this too, but neither of us stopped. It was so wrong, but pieces of it felt so right. God knows how much further we would have gone, how many more mistakes we would've made...if Patrick hadn't walked in. He didn't yell to alert us to his presence, he didn't say a word. But some strangled moaning sound came from the kitchen doorway. I ripped away from Pete to look towards the noise and God help us, it was Patrick. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Why did it have to be him? I jumped to my feet and started to walk around the couch.

"Patrick..." he was still staring blankly at where Pete and I had just sat, on our knees, entangled. He just shook his head as I reached him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Patrick no, you don't understand-" he ripped my hand off of his shoulder and ran right out the front door.


	14. Chapter 14

_I just want back in your head.  
i'm not unfaithful but i'll stray  
when i get a little scared._

Of course Patrick came home after a few hours. I wasn't exactly scared that he wouldn't. I wanted the chance to explain to him that what he walked in on was a total mistake, and it meant nothing. I probably should've known though, that he wouldn't want to hear it. I found him sitting on my (our, I guess?) room.

"Hey Patrick," I said, knocking on the doorframe.

"Don't even start," he muttered from his place, curled up on the bed.

"Oh grow up, Pat. Listen to me for two minutes." He stood up and bumped his shoulder past mine on his way down the stairs. I followed and on my away into the kitchen saw that Pete was still sill sitting, frozen on the couch. Had he really been there for almost five hours?

"Pete! Heather! Dinner!" called Joe from the kitchen. I watched Pete, waiting to see if he'd finally move. He didn't.

"Pete?" I tapped him on the shoulder. He hollered and flew right off the couch, turning to face me. "Sorry..." I whispered. He shook his head and seemed like he wanted to say something, but his mouth stayed closed. It just became a staring contest.

"Heather! Pete! Come on!" Joe called again. Pete looked at me once more and then hurried past me and into the kitchen.

* * *

Dinner was painfully awkward. I sat next to Cassie, Joe on her other side. Patrick sat opposite Joe, with Parker next to him, and Andy across from me. Pete sat on at the head of the table, between me and Andy. Parker, Andy, and Joe were discussing the latest Cute is What We Aim For album, but their voices were dull in my ears. I was splitting my attention between Pete and Patrick. Patrick kept glaring at me, then at Pete, then down at his dinner. Pete was the quietest I think I've ever seen him, sitting totally still and staring at his plate, on which sat pasta that he just wouldn't touch.

"But 'Doctor' remains the best song on the album though," said Parker. "Right, Pete?" she asked, turning to him. He didn't do anything. "Pete?"

"Pete what's up with you today?" asked Andy.

"Why aren't you talking?" asked Joe. He then noticed me and Patrick. "Heather and Patrick: same question." Patrick and I both looked at Joe, then at each other. Joe was looking from me, to Pete, to Patrick. "Did something happen?" he finally asked. Parker dropped her fork onto her plate with a loud clang, actually causing Pete to jump and look up; the first movement I'd seen from him the whole evening.

"Oh my God, something happened!" she exclaimed.

"Not now, Parker," I threatened.

"Pete, what did you do?" Parker pressed, almost knowingly. Pete was taking deep panic breaths, fingertips digging into the table's edge. Patrick's face was glowing a darker and darker red every second. I backed abruptly away from the table, startling everyone.

"Come on Cassiebean, bath time." I scooped my daughter out of her chair and we rushed upstairs.

* * *

"How long before Joe brings Parker back?"

"Forty-five minutes."

"Ah shit."

"When I'm done with the salad should I start on the veggie burgers?" I asked.

"Yeah. Hey Pete, come help me work out this light canopy," Andy said.

"Patrick?" I called. Everyone stopped and stares. No one knew exactly what happened with me and Pete, but they knew for sure that Patrick, Pete and I were not speaking to each other. Patrick looked at me. "Patrick, could you start getting the folding tables out of the garage?" I asked. He didn't even acknowledge that I'd spoken, but walked to the garage.

"Are any of you ever gonna talk about it?" asked Andy. I glanced at Pete, who was looking nervously back at me, waiting for my response. I shook my head.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"We're not stupid, Heather," Joe chimed in, "You and Patrick can't go this long without talking to each other."

"Know what? Just drop it. Andy is proposing in two hours, let's not wreck by with talking about stupid arguments." And I went back to mixing the salad.

Everything at the barbeque was going really well. I was trying to smile at Patrick, but he wasn't having it. All week I'd been trying to just wait it out, assuming he couldn't stay mad at me forever, but now I was wondering if maybe he could. Why couldn't he understand that I love him, and not Pete? I honest to God fee nothing for the kid, that kiss told me so for sure. I 

wondered about Pete though; why had he been so introverted and jumpy since it happened? What went through his head? Had I missed something in our brother-sister relationship?

* * *

"Hey guys!" Andy called, bringing a silence over the group. "I um...I have something to say." His voice was shaky and I could see his hands trembling. I had to hide a smile behind my cup so that Parker wouldn't get suspicious. She was staring at Andy, eyebrows furrowed, wondering what was going on. Andy took Parker's hand and they both stood up, walking away from the table. They stood in the grass and Andy took both Parker's hands in his. I could've mouthed his words as he spoke them; he'd practiced this speech with me for three days now.

"Parker..." he started, swallowing hard. "I love you so much. I never saw you coming, but you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and more than I ever could've asked for. I never want to have to spend another minute without you. Never want to have a day when I don't wake up next to you, or go home without you. I've never been quite as sure about anything as I am about you. You test me, challenge me, laugh with me, and love me unconditionally..." Parker was on the verge of tears, and openly sobbed when Andy took a pause to bend down on one knee. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He pulled the ring box out of his pocket and flipped it open. Parker had her hands over her mouth in total shock. I was about to cry myself, and hugged Cassie close to me as she sat on my lap.

"Parker Emily Morgan, will you marry me?" Andy asked, his voice so even and calm. I was so proud of him. I looked at Parker, who was so far past being able to form words. She just nodded quickly, and Andy smiled as he slid the ring onto her finger. Parker pulled Andy to his feet and kissed him hard, and we all clapped. Cassie was cheering, I tried to explain to her what was going on, and while she didn't fully get it, she knew that what she was seeing was very good. I side-glanced at Patrick, and looked over my shoulder at Pete. They were both smiling for the first time in a long time: genuinely happy smiles. Maybe there was hope for this yet.

* * *

Andy and Parker had gone immediately to "bed" outside in the tour bus. Was it honestly going to be so insane that they couldn't do it in the house? I hope neither of them hurt themselves.

I had just put Cassie to sleep and jumped into the shower to just zen out. As I was getting out and drying myself off, I heard voices outside the door. The unmistakable, nasally, permanently teen voice of Pete, and Patrick's voice that I don't think I can ever forget.

"You just want to run in there and take her, don't you?"

"Shut up, Pete."

"Listen, Trick, you can't keep this grudge forever. Think about Heather, fuck, think about Cassie."

"Pete, this is your fault, stop trying to fix it. It's really not your place."

"You're right, it is my fault. And therefore, it's my place. It's killing me that you're angry at Heather for something she didn't even do."

"She kissed you back."

"That's not why you're mad."

"It's not?"

"You're mad because you know I'm a threat. You've always known that."

"Pete-"

"Listen, I know you've never been happy about how close I am with her."

"Well you-"

"And I know you know how I feel about her." I was literally pressed against the door, barely breathing, shocked and awed by what I was hearing.

"I don't wanna hear about this, Pete." But Pete pressed on.

"You know that I've never felt for any girl what I've felt for Heather. I've been in love with Her my since the moment I met her. But I know you have too. And she went for you, not me. But something tells me you've always worried about something erupting between Heather and I. And it did. I lost control."

"But Pete, she kissed you back."

"And hasn't spoken to me since. I got a lot more out of it than she did. She loves you, Patrick. She has your child, for Christ's sake. Talk to her."

"Pete, I can't."

"You've been a distant asshole all week."

"Yeah thanks."

"But she forgave close to five years of distant asshole-ness already, didn't she?" Silence. "Didn't she?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then I think she can handle this. She can handle it because she knows you're worth it. For Cassie and for herself."

"Thanks, Pete."

"I'm sorry I put you through this, bro."

"It's...it's okay."

"I think you know that if I didn't think you were good for her, I would've stolen her right out from under you. But I've never seen her quite as happy as when she's holding your hand." I had to smile. So Pete had a secret love lust for me, but at least he was willing to step aside for Patrick. I always knew he was the good guy. A little overly hormonal, but a good guy.


End file.
